You’ve found her—the girl who checks all the boxes. She’s smart, funny, beautiful, and you two just click. There’s only one tiny problem: her best friend. You know, the one who seems to always have a not-so-subtle opinion about your relationship, constantly hovers during your quality time together, or maybe even throws shade at you when your girlfriend’s not looking.

It’s a delicate situation, and while it might feel like you’re caught in a love triangle you didn’t sign up for, there are ways to manage it without it becoming the reason you and your girlfriend drift apart.

So, what do you do when you love your girlfriend but can’t stand her BFF? Let’s dive in.

Be Honest—But Tactful

The first thing you have to understand is that you can talk about it with your girlfriend—just not in a way that feels like you’re attacking her best friend. The moment you say, “I can’t stand your best friend,” the conversation will likely take a nosedive. Instead, frame it as a concern. You can say something like, “I notice that I feel uncomfortable when your best friend does X, Y, or Z. I want to be honest with you about how I’m feeling, but I don’t want to put you in a tough spot.”

This way, you’re expressing your feelings without putting her on the defensive. You’re not asking her to choose between you and her friend; you’re opening up a dialogue that might lead to some mutual understanding.

Don’t Make It a Competition

Her best friend has been in her life long before you came into the picture, and that’s important to remember. Trying to compete with the bestie for her attention or trying to subtly “win” against them in every scenario is a recipe for disaster. In fact, acting like you’re in competition with her friend can push your girlfriend away.

Instead of seeing the friend as a rival, try seeing them as an important part of your girlfriend’s life that you don’t need to threaten. The more secure you feel in your relationship, the less power the friend will seem to have over your happiness.

Figure Out Why It Bothers You So Much

Now, this one requires a bit of self-reflection. Is it something specific about the best friend that rubs you the wrong way, or are you feeling insecure in your relationship? Does the friend say things that genuinely cross the line, or are you just struggling with sharing your girlfriend’s attention?

Sometimes, we don’t like someone because they reflect something in us that we don’t want to acknowledge. Maybe her friend is just brutally honest and it feels like you’re under constant scrutiny. Or maybe her friend highlights insecurities you have about your relationship. Figuring out the why behind your frustration can help you approach the situation more rationally.

Set Boundaries Without Being Controlling

If the best friend is genuinely overstepping or involving herself too much in your relationship, it’s time to establish some boundaries. But—and this is important—you need to make sure those boundaries come from a place of respect for your girlfriend’s autonomy.

Rather than saying, “I don’t want you hanging out with her anymore,” you could say, “I think it would be great if we had more one-on-one time, just us, to really focus on our relationship.” This shows that you’re prioritizing your time together without outright banning her friend from the picture.

Extend the Olive Branch

As much as you might not want to hear this, it could be worth trying to get to know the best friend a little better. Maybe she’s protective of your girlfriend because she’s seen her get hurt before, or maybe she’s just used to having more time with her. By making an effort to understand her side and trying to find some common ground, you could diffuse the tension and show that you’re not the enemy.

Invite her along to something low-stakes, like a group outing. Sometimes, when people spend time together in a non-confrontational setting, they realize they’re not as different as they think.

Know When to Take a Step Back

If you’ve tried all the above and the best friend still seems like a thorn in your side, it might be time to take a step back. Unfortunately, there are some relationships that won’t be mended, and that’s okay. But at the end of the day, this is your girlfriend’s friend, and she has to decide how much influence her friend will have on her life.

What you can do is focus on building trust and strength within your relationship. As long as you and your girlfriend have a solid foundation, external forces—best friend or not—won’t be able to shake it. And remember, over time, things change. Friendships shift, and the person who feels like a thorn today may not always play such a prominent role in the future.

Keep Perspective

It’s easy to get wrapped up in what annoys us and make it the centerpiece of our focus. But don’t let her best friend become the focal point of your relationship. Keep perspective: You’re with your girlfriend because you love her, not because of the people she surrounds herself with. Remember why you’re together in the first place, and don’t let outside influences cloud the connection you’ve worked hard to build.

Final Thoughts

Navigating a tricky relationship with your girlfriend’s best friend can feel like walking a tightrope. But with the right balance of honesty, tact, and patience, you can keep your relationship intact without turning it into a showdown. Focus on what’s important: your bond with your girlfriend, and trust that your relationship will outlast any temporary tensions.

So, while you might not love everything about her best friend, you do love everything about her—and that’s what really matters.